Alas, the evils of Pizza Express

Pizza Express, your ridiculous menu cost me extra money and my custom shall be yours no longer.

This is a note for all of you out there who feel like like eating out, but think it's nice and easy to do it on the cheap. It is no longer simply enough to read all of the small print. No, no, no...now apparently you have to read all of the small print and then upon arrival, you must in fact ask the waiter if there was anything on there that they might have forgotten to add.

This rant stems from the fact that my girlfriend, her friend and myself all decided to eat in the Guildford branch of the Pizza Express on Sunday, thinking that with the vouchers it would be a nice, affordable treat. The bill arrives to have not had all of the differences removed because we had ordered the 'Tricolore' from the starter menu.

The small print dictates that you are not allowed to order from the Francesco Mazzei menu - this is fine because where it says "Introducing our celebrated guest chef - FRANCESCO MAZZEI" I didn't even bother looking. But wait, what's that Pizza Express? Your menu is colour coded but at no stage does it stipulate that on the menu or the small print? Oh of course it is, my mistake, sorry.

The menu in question splits itself into three areas, but coloured boxes flutter about the menu as I am sure most of your are aware. Except apparently different colours mean they are part of a menu which isn't listed as having started until the next section over - for example, our starter classed as a being from the main menu despite being a starter.

The very helpful, courteous, manager, who was not in ANY way smug* informed us that had we asked our waiter what was included, he would have told us. For one thing, when we pointed out the discrepancy with the bill, our waiter had no idea why it was included in a different menu and told us that the till must have made a mistake, and for another, why would you need to ask your waiter if you've read the small print already?

At any rate I consider this as Pizza Express owing me money. And by 'me', I don't even mean myself, because I was treated to the meal as it was.

So I advise anyone looking at going to Pizza Express using one of their 'two courses for £10' vouchers any time soon to beware of the coloured boxes. Also, under the colour coded system the manager pointed out to us, several of the wines also count as being 14" pizzas.

In reality I'd just advise you to go to Zizzi - they're way better.

*Lies