Saturday, 16 October 2010

I declare war on those hiding onions

Right. That’s it. This is fucking war.

I have had enough of vile restaurateurs trying to poison me now. What have I done to deserve it? I have now officially taken umbrage at the food almost everywhere. They are clearly all devious, lying little bastards.

I don’t understand why any restaurant deems it necessary to list every ingredient involved in a dish, as well as what it is garnished with, yet they somehow omit onions every…single…time. Why? I can’t stand onions, they make me physically sick, so each time I get a menu I look for the vegetarian options, then I look to see what has onion in it. If it’s not listed I automatically get excited and order that dish.

Except every time I do there is always hidden onion. Tonight was the last straw – the dish I ordered listed everything involved from the types of tomatoes, to the bed of cress which would be served on top. It was such an extensive list of ingredients that I decided I was safe. But once again I get tongue-raped by them.

Let me make this clear to all of you, and anyone owning a restaurant take note: onions ARE an ingredient. Just because you put them in a lot of dishes does not make them a herb or a spice. They are a vegetable, and they should be treated like one. There are millions of people who won’t eat onion, so if your dish has onion in, fucking include that on the menu.

I find it both baffling and infuriating that I am now going to have to spend every day of my life asking someone “does this have onions in?” before ordering. So the next dish that I find hidden onions in, will be the onion dish to end all onion dishes. Because I will use it to batter the staff to death.

Hey onions, fuck you.

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